Lab Rat in......Life

So, as it’s World Mental Health day today, I thought it might be a good time for me to write another blog post. Over the last couple of years I have found that writing these blogs really helps me to process how I’m feeling and make sense of some of thing things that have been going on in my life. After publishing my last post I was starting to feel like it is time to stop writing, interest in the blogs seems to have waned and I started to convince myself that people were getting fed up of me whining on about cancer. The thing is, I never really wrote these blogs for other people, of course it is always nice to get positive feedback and I did hope that by sharing my own experiences I could help other people, but the main reason was to get the millions of whirling thoughts out of my head and down on paper (metaphorically speaking). I came to the realisation that writing these blogs is good for my mental health, I just need to remind myself that worrying about other people’s reaction to...

For those of you who don’t know, in April I ran the London Marathon!! I’m chuckling to myself as I write this as I imagine anyone who can still be bothered to read my blog will undoubtably already know this. I have been harping on about it for rather a long time! I can’t actually quite believe it now, even two months later. It’s strange when something that has been a lifelong ambition suddenly becomes ‘something I did once’. It went from a crazy unattainable dream to, well, it can’t be that hard if I did it!! Funny how our minds like to exaggerate and/or trivialise things (or is that just my mind?!). There is some truth to the ‘If I can do it, anyone can’ statement I suppose, serious health conditions aside, if I can run 26.2 miles, then I imagine most people can. I’m not an amazing runner and I’m not in peak physical condition. I’m not even particularly enthusiastic about running, it takes a lot of mental back-and-forths, complaining and making excuses before I manage to...

When something bad happens and people don’t know what to say or do to make things better we tend to turn to the words of others to find comfort, aphorisms or platitudes, that was certainly true when I was diagnosed and I find myself doing the same things whenever my friends or family are dealing with difficult situations. “In darkness look for stars” “when it rains look for rainbows” “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” etc etc. Sometimes these words bring comfort and other times they are downright annoying, generally though I found them helpful, even if not true, I found comfort in the fact that people wanted to help and make me feel better. It might just be easier to say “This is sh*t and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this” but not everyone is built that way. I’m not a particularly religious person but I have always tried to cling on to the belief that everything happens for a reason, a belief that has become harder and harder to maintain over the years, I still try...

So as I’m sat on the train making my way back up to Inverness for my two year check up I thought I’d have a lot of time to sit and reminisce and perhaps get nervous about my up coming appointments, but the wonder that is the rail service in this country decided to intervene with delays, which together with freezing cold temperatures has managed to direct my thoughts and worry in another direction! LOL, at least some good can come out of all the disruption! I remember writing a blog around this time last year explaining how the 2nd Feb is a bit like my New Year now, it’s the date when my annual mammogram is due, now two years since I was referred to Oncology to start my treatment. Last year I wasn’t particularly nervous about the appointment, I was still receiving my Herceptin injections and felt pretty protected after all the chemo and radiotherapy, this year is a little bit different. It’s now a while since I finished treatment, I’ve moved away from the bubble that was my life in Inve...