Support

One of the hardest decisions I had to make when I received my diagnosis was whether or not to stay in Inverness for my treatment, I had only been living and working here for a few weeks and had only one friend (and her family) in the immediate area, with the majority of my family living almost 400 miles away in Huddersfield. As a well travelled 35 year old singleton I'd say I'm pretty independent and most definitely used to having my own space. My friends and family are quite used to me moving around and being away for long periods of time, but that's not to say I don't need them, in fact I depend on them a lot, WhatsApp, Skype and Facebook have become my lifelines over recent years. After some deliberation my gut told me to stay in Inverness, I knew that, if I could, I would want to work as much as possible to keep some normality and independence in my life and prevent me from being just a patient for the months to come. I also felt it was important to keep the continuity of care, once I was in the system in the hospital here it was easier to continue here and I had been assigned a wonderful Breast Care Nurse (BCN) who I knew I could talk to whenever I needed support. I know this decision was hard for my family and friends 'down south' but they fully respected it.

My friend here in Inverness (the crazy looking one in the pictures shaving my head!) has been in my life since we were 11 years old ( I haven't let her escape) and I consider her as one of my closest friends, so I'm incredibly lucky to have her close by. She has been amazing during this time, accompanying me to most of my appointments, juggling work and child care to do so. I've had so many free dinners and sleepovers at her house and I know she and her husband are always there if I need anything. But of course they cannot be there 24/7, they have their work, children and their own lives to contend with, luckily I had a lovely lady staying in the flat with me and have also had a steady stream of family and friends making the long journey north to visit and help out with appointments etc. I'm still living in staff accommodation so I haven't even been able to offer a place for people to stay, but still they have come and not only found nice places to stay but had me stay with them. I'm so grateful, it's hard to put into words.

It's not always easy for friends and family to know what to do in a situation like this, everybody wants to help as much as possible, but don't quite know the best things to say or do. To be honest, I don't know either (as my Dad would say I'm a contrary madam at the best of times!). I have found that talking to people who are going through, or have been through something similar has been a great help. As I mentioned before my BCN has been wonderful not only in being there to talk to but also in pointing me in the direction of other forms of support. I joined a Facebook group called the Younger Breast Cancer Network (YBCN - https://www.facebook.com/YoungerBreastCancerNetwork/) which has a private page for women aged 45 and under who have or have had breast cancer. It's a good forum for support and advice and I have been able to connect with some new friends through it, it can get a little overwhelming at times as there are so many people on it, but I found it is great to dip in and out of for support and advice. I've met some lovely people in my chemo appointments and through meetings set up by the BCNs, but one of the best places I have found support and new friendships is through the Maggie's Centres. (https://www.maggiescentres.org/)

Maggie's is a Charity organisation providing support for anyone affected by Cancer, be you patient, family or friend. They provide everything from emotional & psychological support to financial and healthy living advice, staffed with both professional experts and volunteers. They offer a variety of social activities, drop in classes and courses depending on what you need. The centre is also just a beautiful space where you can sit with a cup of tea and have a chat with one of the wonderful volunteers or have some quiet time alone (I'm currently sat writing this blog on a rare sunny day in Inverness in the Maggie's Centre garden watching a bunny hop by!).

Spot the bunny competition!

I was told about Maggie's on the day I was first diagnosed and briefly called in that day but at the time it was far too overwhelming and I didn't go back for a while. However, when I was in Aberdeen for a week for a series of short appointments before my chemo, I found myself a bit lost in the time in between appointments so my BCN suggested I pop into Maggie's Aberdeen. I was a little bit nervous about walking in but I was welcomed by the lovely staff who talked through their services and made sure I was introduced to some lovely ladies of a similar age going through similar experiences. I stayed for a mindfulness class and was encouraged to attend a 'Look Good, Feel Better'  evening where I was given an amazing goodie bag of make-up and tips on how best to use it (http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk/). This time in Aberdeen was so important for me and in just that short week I made friends who have been a massive support to me, including driving me to and from appointments when the friend I was staying with was away.

Goodie bag from Look Good, Feel Better and the

results of my make-up lesson

This positive experience in Aberdeen encouraged me to wander back into Maggie's Highland when I returned to Inverness. I am particularly spoilt as Maggie's is a stone's throw away from the lab where I work and a 5 minute walk across the car park from where I stay in the staff accommodation. This means if I need a bit of time out of work to clear my head I can just pop in, before starting chemo I would sometimes just bring my lunch and sit in a quiet corner. I've started attending some of the courses here and I'm beginning to build up a lovely network of friends. Last Thursday we had a wonderful pamper evening where I was treated to an Indian Head massage and a back and shoulder massage (whilst my poor visitors looked on in envy!) and on Friday morning when I couldn't attend the monthly 'Maggie's Breakfast' because I was having chemo, two wonderful ladies came over to the Macmillan unit with a bacon roll for me.......and later again with cake! It's definitely a special place and one I feel incredibly lucky to have such easy access to.

This last session of chemo has been slightly more challenging for me psychologically, partially because I had a mild allergic reaction when it was first administered and partially because I tolerated the last drug so well I was sure that this would be the killer, but so far physically it hasn't been too horrific (remember to touch wood every time I say this!!), but knowing I can just pop down to Maggie's or message one of my friends that I've met through Maggie's (or through chemo & the online group) to ask advice, share experiences or just have a bit of a grumble has been invaluable.

So I think I should stop writing soon as I'm starting to get a bit sentimental, but I just wanted to say thanks to all my friends (and family) old and new, near and far, for all your support. Every card, phone call, text message, gift, visit or good thought really does mean more than you can possibly know. I can't thank you all individually, and I'm not always the best at expressing it, but I do feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Good job I'm not wearing any of that fancy mascara I got from the 'Look Good, Feel Better' evening, eh? I promise I've not even been drinking, we'll just have to put it down to the Scottish sun! 😉 I know I've still got a way to go with treatment, and I think perhaps once treatment is over the real work will begin, but knowing all the places I can find help and support when I need it is a huge help.