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Dear Cancer,

Dear Cancer,

I'm not sure why I'm writing you this letter,  I've seen people doing it online and heard it suggested as a therapeutic process,  as a way of putting your feelings into words and letting go of them I suppose.  I understand why other people do it,  but I never felt the need,  I write my blog and that works for me.  I never felt like addressing you personally, as you are, of course, not a person or thing that I can talk to,  you're just a group of cells that grow uncontrollably, not your fault but nature's, surely? So no, I haven't felt the need to write to you,  until now. Why now you might ask, well because enough is enough and I think you need to know that!

If you were indeed a person you'd be the worst kind,  the kind that shows up uninvited knowing that nobody wants you there and hangs around causing trouble way after everyone else has left the party. I was polite at first, I didn't blame you for coming,  if anything I blamed myself,  I've probably done something wrong in my life to make you appear, maybe eaten or drunk too much of the wrong things or exposed myself to toxins in other ways.  I sprang into action and joined the treatment roller coaster to make sure you disappeared for good,  and although I obviously did grumble about you from time to time the main focus of my annoyance was the treatment that was making me feel so bad and turning me into a different person.  Even when I lost my mum and realised that the last few months of her life had been pain and worry due to your presence in my life,  I didn't blame you, again I blamed  myself.

With time I started to look for the positive in you,  mainly all the wonderful people I have met and now call friends,  an amazing and diverse group of people whom I might never have met if it weren't for you. Friends who,  like myself, have stood strong in your presence.  We did everything asked of us,  we were 'brave', we were 'inspirational' and we 'fought hard'. We're slowly finding our feet and returning to our lives, and although those lives have changed, we kept going and we started to breathe again. We started to look to the future where you were nothing but a distant memory. But you didn't like that did you? You needed more attention, you needed to infiltrate our lives again. Perhaps I should feel lucky that you didn't choose me this time, but I don't, because you chose a dear friend, a friend who, like me, has already been through enough shit because of you. So I'm writing to you now because I really don't know what else to do, I'm angry. I'm so angry with you! She will fight you, we all will, but I'm so angry that she has to!

I rarely swear, I try my best to be polite, but I think now is the time to say it to you Cancer, please just FUCK OFF! I can't put it any better than that!

I can't end this letter with polite and meaningless pleasantries, because frankly I wouldn't mean it, I don't wish you well or have any kind regards for you. I just need you to leave us alone now, please!

Thanks,

Jodie




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