So it’s not even two weeks since
I last wrote a blog post, I usually leave at least a month or two between
posts, so you can probably guess that I’m feeling the need to write again so
soon because something has happened and I just need a wee rant about it. So
apologies in advance for any ranting!
As my chemo finished last May and
Radiotherapy in July, I think a lot of people hadn’t realised that I was still
undergoing some treatment. Herceptin (Trastuzumab) is a targeted treatment used
to treat people with HER2 positive breast cancer (and some other types of
cancer too). My treatment started with my first Docetaxel chemotherapy last May
and was to be administered by injection every 3 weeks for a year (18 doses). My
final dose was due to be given on the 9th May. As the
Herceptin can have an effect on the heart and on the white blood cells I was required to have an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the
heart) and blood tests before the Herceptin can
be administered which were to be repeated every 3 months. It’s become
a routine I’ve been very used to and not at all worried about. It became a bit
of a formality really, the echo is pretty non-traumatic, slightly embarrassing as
you have to bare your chest a little, but after last year that has become quite
routine for me! Last week I went for what was to be my final echo, the week
before my final clinic appointment. I got a little bit excited about that and
posted a picture (well, actually two!) to social media saying “my last echo!”…….. I
really should know better than that by now shouldn’t I??!!
 |
| Last echo? Hmmmmmm |
I’m guessing you can see where
this is going, unfortunately I didn’t. I had a phone call with my sister the
night before my ‘final’ clinic appointment where I explained that the echo was
just a formality, and the results were nothing to worry about, but told her that I was actually a
bit apprehensive about having my final Herceptin injection in May as that felt
like another layer of protection gone, and would also mean I no longer had that
three weekly check-in with oncology that is actually quite reassuring,
especially as I have been attending regular hospital appointments for the last
16 months now. So, on Tuesday morning as I sat in the oncology waiting room for
my clinic appointment I was feeing a little bit strange that it would be my
last clinic, but I knew that I would be back there the following day for my 17th
Herceptin and again in 3 weeks for my 18th and final one. I bounced
into the clinic room quite happy, which is quite unusual for me in the morning, but I’d just been weighed and although
I’ve not lost as much weight as I’d hoped it was definitely going in the right
direction! So when the nurse told me that the echo showed reduced cardiac
function, so much so that they’re not going to give me my final two doses of
Herceptin, I was shocked. I’d always flown through these appointments in the
past and now I’m actually feeling much fitter I’m being told that there’s a
problem with my heart!
I was assured that missing the
final two Herceptins wouldn’t make much of a difference, but I have to say I
didn’t really care what they were saying. I had a plan, I had two more injections
to go. I don’t like change and surely there is a reason they usually give 18
and not 16! It felt like the whole chemo debacle all over again. Another
treatment being stopped early. Like with the chemo, deep down I knew that they were
right, 16 out of 18 is pretty good really, but I was feeling cheated, I still
am if I’m honest. On top of this sudden end to treatment was another fear, by
throwing everything at the cancer have I been left with long term heart
problems? The answer is probably not, they expect my heart function to improve
once the Herceptin is stopped, but that doesn’t stop it being scary, probably
is not definitely, and at the age of 36 I never thought I’d have to worry about
my heart!
A few people have since told me that
this is ‘quite normal’, funnily enough nobody told me that before! I was warned
at the beginning of treatment that both the chemo (Epirubicin specifically) and
Herceptin could damage my heart, I’m not saying I wasn’t aware there was a risk,
how could I not when I was getting scans every 3 months? However, I’d always been
led to believe this was a very small chance, and when I’ve since looked it up (in
my many cancer booklets) effects on the heart are listed as a ‘rare side effect’.
So although I knew it was a risk, I really hadn’t prepared myself for the
possibility.
 |
| Rare side effects |
Is this wee rant reading a bit angry?
If it is I apologise, but I suppose I am a bit angry, not at anyone in
particular, just at the situation. I didn’t want to have to call my family and
say ‘hey, it’s time to worry about me again’, we’ve all already been through enough
this year. I know in actuality it’s not really something to worry about, but I
guess the word ‘Heart’ is up there with ‘Cancer’ in the ‘scary words you don’t
want to hear your doctor saying’ list! I will have another echo in 3 months’
time followed by another clinic appointment, hopefully by then my cardiac
function will be back to normal so I just have to wait and see. I’m finished
with treatment now, with the exception of my hormone tablets, I had thought
that would be something to celebrate, but it’s just been marred a little bit
once again.
 |
My fridge magnet from Shetland seems
more appropriate some days than others!
|
Thanks for staying until the end
of my rant, it really does help me to get it all down in writing, hopefully now
I will feel a bit calmer about it all. I am so aware that many people go
through much more than this, and most of them don’t feel the need to write it
all down in a blog, but I hope that sharing some of my experiences will help
other people a little bit too.
Comments
Post a Comment