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Finding the line


Yesterday I had my third and final dose of FEC and I have to say, I'm tired. In my last blog I wrote about how lucky I have been to not experience bad side effects, and that is still true, but perhaps that first round did make me a little bit complacent. I tend to have the motto in life 'expect the worst and you can only be pleasantly surprised' - perhaps not the most positive outlook, people may think, but I think it works for me, I'd much rather be pleasantly surprised than shocked or disappointed. Anyway, with my first round I was really expecting the worst, and as I said that never really hit, so with the second round I let my guard down a little. I decided to attend my friend's wedding in Edinburgh despite it being the day after my second chemo treatment. I literally went from the hospital to the train station. Don't get me wrong, I was still careful, I met my friend halfway in Perth and she made sure I was okay the whole weekend, but looking back I see it as rather ambitious of me. I had a wonderful time at the wedding, although it was a bit strange so soon after shaving my head I was quite happy with the outfit I chose and the 'suck-it-all-in' underwear I wore made sure that I paid more attention to my belly than my head! When I arrived back in Inverness on the Sunday night I was rather proud of myself, not only for getting through the weekend drama free but also for not letting my cancer stop me from attending the beautiful wedding of my dear friends. I even managed two ceilidh dances!

The Monday after the wedding I went to work, since starting chemo I've been working around 4 hours a day, but after 3.5 I was more than ready to leave and so left a little early. On Tuesday I decided to take the day off as I was very tired (and this was the same day I felt the most tired in the first cycle), I managed to meet a friend for coffee but by the time I got home I was exhausted. Before going to bed I had a sore throat, a slight cough and was feeling a bit rough. Overnight I woke several times feeling hot, I took my temperature and it was rather high. When on chemotherapy you have to be very careful of a high temperature as your immune system is weakened and you're at an increased risk of sepsis, I've been given a special cancer treatment helpline to call and criteria as to when to call. My temperature was over the criteria so I called the number. Nobody told me this but this number is actually a magic number because as soon as you call and initiate the process of being referred to hospital all your symptoms seem to disappear......or perhaps that's just me! ;-) Okay so I'm exaggerating a little bit, but by the time I'd spoken to the relevant people and been asked to go to the acute admissions ward at the hospital my temperature had normalised. I felt like a bit of a time waster, but my blood pressure and heart rate were rather high so I guess it wasn't all in my head. I spent the whole day on the ward eating hospital food and being prodded and poked and x-rayed, thankfully by 7pm they concluded it was a virus and allowed me home with the strict instructions that I should call again if anything changed. The following day I woke up with a runny nose and full on cough and realised it was indeed just a cold, I had spent a whole day in hospital for A COLD, but unfortunately that's the reality of chemotherapy and it's better to be safe than sorry (So I've been told a million times since!).

I managed to go back to work the following week but the cough seemed to be getting worse so by Friday I decided to check again, I called the magic number and of course my cough started to get better (honestly, it's amazing!) this time I just had a check-up on the unit and all was fine. After that I did start to feel a lot better, but I've just been wiped out this cycle. It was a reality check for me and a reminder that I always need to find the line, I don't want to wrap myself in cotton wool but I need to be careful not to push myself too much either.

As a treat for a tiring few weeks my friend and I treated ourselves to a bit of a pamper day on Thursday, just before my next treatment. I had a facial and reflexology (as I was told I wasn't allowed to have a massage for insurance purposes) and as I was told that wearing dark nail polish can help protect your nails during treatment (not sure if it's true, but worth a try!) I've been having my nails done every few weeks with dark colours far far from my normal comfort zone, this time bright red! I couldn't quite stretch to a pedicure too, but luckily my family have come to visit this weekend and my 6 year old niece obliged, not quite sure it's salon quality.....but she tried! ;-)

My wonderful pedicure

As for my hair, since shaving it it's been falling out much more slowly and I still have quite a lot of hair on my head (although very short), I'm not sure how it would have looked if I'd left it long but to be honest it feels so much better this way. I've been swapping between hats, head scarves and my wig. I'm still rather self conscious in the wig and it can get a bit hot and uncomfortable so I don't like wearing it for too long, but it's definitely the best option if I want to feel inconspicuous. I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes, they've probably thinned a little bit but it's not really noticeable.
All other side effects have been relatively small, I get a funny taste in my mouth for a few days which left me craving ice lollies and strong tasting citrus drinks/fruit.  I haven't really experienced any loss in taste which I have been told can happen, although it's kinda hard to tell when I've had a cold over for 2 weeks.  I do feel the tiredness is increasing though and I just need to know my limits and rest when I feel tired.

Tired after chemo but loving the nails/
wedding turban/red hat & nails combo

Worried about losing my wig on the
loch ness boat trip with my
niece (also not loving the wind!)


So this will be the last cycle of FEC and in three weeks time I will start with the 'T' part of the FEC-T which is Docetaxel and I will also be starting with Hercptin injections. So a whole new adventure awaits! ;-)

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